Ray-Zee

Woah! Anger is a tough one. From my experience, a million articles are talking about the tips and tricks to control your anger. But there are just a few selected ones that explain the probable root causes of feeling angry and how to manage it in a way that doesn’t suppress your emotions. Because anger management is not a one-size-fits-all approach. 

Feeling Angry All The Time? Anger Issues & Management

Woah! Anger is a tough one. From my experience, a million articles are talking about the tips and tricks to control your anger. But there are just a few selected ones that explain the probable root causes of feeling angry and how to manage it in a way that doesn’t suppress your emotions. Because anger management is not a one-size-fits-all approach. One has to dig deep into their self to understand where the anger is birthing from. As anger is a secondary emotion. This means that there is always another emotion underneath it like sadness or fear.

Anger is a strong emotion that often holds the power to cloud one’s sense of judgment and other emotions like love, sympathy, or care, especially when not handled rightly. Several connotations attached to anger make it harder for people to treat it as something that may affect their lives in the long run. I’ve noticed that today it’s somewhat cool to be angry. There are also gender preferences. Like anger issues in men is considered “manly”. Whereas similar issues in women are not considered as a preferable feminine trait. I mean, since when did emotions begin to define genders? Anyways…

feeling angry all the time

Anger escalates as a response mechanism to different situations. Similarly, different triggers can be a reason for different types and levels of anger. Hence, anger management depends on how you deal with the situation and triggers. It’s easier said than done. But it is an imperative process that should be undertaken if you wish to control your emotions and not the emotions get the best of you.

Let’s first start by understanding the ground zero from which anger is usually birthed.

Grounding Causes of Anger

Often referred to as a secondary or second-hand emotion, anger is not given much importance. Whereas, an essential point most people seem to ignore is that anger never arrives in a vacuum. We experience anger along with a group of feelings. The presence of anger is proof enough for the presence of emotional pain – hurt, disrespect, neglect, vulnerability, hurt, or sadness.

Few of the common grounding emotions that may trigger anger as a response are:

  • Feeling powerless
  • Being frustrated or feeling helplessness
  • When people do not respect you and/or your belongings
  • Evaluating or overthinking the preceding events and actions
  • Assessing yourself, others, or any situation and not being happy about it
  • Perceiving that people or the universe is always out to get you
  • Feeling attacked or threatened – this may be physical, mental, or emotional

The list is in a general order and does not mean that these are the only reasons that may trigger anger. However, the list represents a solid couple of reasons that can stir anger when combined with emotional pain and discomfort.

The anger outbursts depend on how a person interprets a situation. An event where you may feel nothing may cause a stir of emotions in others including anger, hurt, or even amusement. Because everyone responds differently.

The first key factor to decode your current emotions is to comprehend your mental processes that design a reaction to the situations. That you can do by taking a moment and reading the underlying “real” reason that may be the driving source of your anger. The second is to understand why are you getting angry? Here’s how to do it…

Why Are You Getting Angry?

One thing that I have learned along the way that I would love to pass on to my readers is:

Never make a commitment when you are overjoyed &
Never make a decision when you are angry.

This has a lot of depth to it if you read it carefully. Being overjoyed or angry are both strong emotions. An anger state rarely feels good. It has a strong destructive element to it that can set things to fire pretty quickly. People tend to say things or take actions that they regret later. Because when a person feels angry, the intent is usually to hurt something or someone.

Nonetheless, this doesn’t mean that anger is always bad. Sometimes anger can prove to be a motivator and drive positive changes – this might be rare but can happen if you know how to let your emotions flow. Anger is a part of natural human emotion

The reasons you are getting angry may be:

  • Consciously or unconsciously trying to avoid the pain that has caused anger in the first place
  • Shifting your focus from self to other things that are causing the emotional pain
  • Using anger as a defense mechanism may keep you from feeling scared or vulnerable

As you may have gathered, these aren’t the healthiest ways to process your emotions. These are the reasons why you need to learn anger management to hopefully save yourself from future troubles that may also lead to greater harm.

Understand your Anger History

Sometimes you can build up anger in yourself through learned behavior from your surroundings. Whist sometimes anger can be completely hereditary. In either case, anger management is extremely crucial.

Once you become aware of the basics of anger, the next step is to look deep into yourself and figure out your triggers. It may take some time but it is a very important step to find the right anger management strategies for yourself. Knowing your triggers will help you become aware of your mental health. There are a few routes that you can take:

1.  Listen to your mind and body

Emotions can cause chemical reactions in our body which can lead to sudden physical changes in your body. These may seem like throbbing heart, sweaty palms, shakiness, fidgeting leg, heavy breathes, and often dizziness.

2.  Be focused on your emotions

Sometimes, all you need is to be aware of your ongoing emotions. Anger can also become a mascot of several other bottled emotions. Staying aware of your emotional state will empower you to know what truly causes a fume inside you.

3.  Trace the anger roots

Go back to the times when you started feeling the same emotions. See how it all started and what stirred anger in you in the first place that you could remember.  Sometimes it may not be easy to find a connection. No worries try the next approach.

4.  Don’t fight back – become curious

Fighting back your anger or any other emotion will only consume you. Instead, get curious and see any repeating patterns. Like having conversations about a certain topic causes emotional pain and then anger in you.

Simple Strategies To Manage Your Anger

Getting to this step is already a win in itself. It shows that now you are aware of your emotions and willing to bring a change for the best.

Anger is not a bad or negative emotion. It comes as a natural response to situations that make you emotionally uncomfortable. However, anger being a powerful emotion that works in the team can make your life quite miserable when not handled properly. Let me correct – your and your loved ones. Anger can destroy your relationships and make you the person who is emotionally unstable and can’t keep it together in times of tough situations.

I would suggest, following these simple strategies to get your anger in control. Plus, never hesitate to consult a professional who can help you in much better ways to manage your emotions.

Get, set, gooooo…

·  Think before you speak

Lashing out in anger is super easy. It’s one of the very first things we opt for when angry – saying whatever comes to our mouth. And you know what, it does more damage than you can imagine. Whenever you feel angry, take a moment to rethink everything that’s downloading in your brain to shoot from your mouth. Instead, take a moment to collect your thoughts and then deal with them in the best possible way.

·  Change your position or posture

Anger comes and brings along all the emotional pain with it. It technically puts your brain in the direction of getting revenge for all the pain caused. To shift the focus, you have to break the wave of anger by changing your position. For example, if you’re sitting then stand up or vice versa.

·  Express your anger once you are calm

As soon as the anger fog sheds, you can begin to share your thoughts and concerns. The way you should be sharing your thoughts shouldn’t be condescending or derogatory. Instead, try to come across as assertive and nonconfrontational.

·  Take a timeout for yourself to explore your feelings

When your judgment gets clouded enough by anger that you are getting out of your own hands then take a break and think about why you getting so fumed. Sometimes other emotions or incidents can lurk beneath your anger and make it even worse. Like you may get furious at someone because they disappointed you in some way. Rather than lashing out, you can explain why their actions hurt you.

·  Don’t get into blame game instead think about solutions

Although, others are one of the major reasons we get angry. But this isn’t a valid excuse to be angry. Because what other people do is none of our business and it should affect our life. How we decide to react is our responsibility. Blaming others for our anger isn’t going to solve anything. Therefore, look within yourself and think about the solution rather than reiterating the problem.

·  Don’t hold any grudges  

Holding grudges in your heart is the worst you can do to yourself. It affects you more than anybody else. I don’t say that you forgive and forget because I don’t believe in it either. I think we should forgive and move on with our lives. A person who holds grudges can never be happy from within as they always have a burning flame of hate and revenge inside them.

·  Practice mindfulness and relaxation

A flaring temper needs good relaxation skills to put to work as soon as possible. Simple practices like deep breathing, talking to a good friend, listening to calming music, repeating words like “calm down” or “take it easy”, taking a walk, and practicing guided meditation can help bring the raging fever down.

·  Set your boundaries

An extremely important step to unlock your sanity is to set good boundaries. It shows others what you are willing to do and what not. Therefore, the chances of you getting hurt become low because you are always aware of your surroundings and whatever you are not okay with. Whenever someone tries to overpass your boundaries, it will act as a heads-up for your triggers.

·  Recognize warning signs

Even if your anger goes from one to zero in a heartbeat, you still have a chance to recognize your warning signs before the shit hits the ceiling. These can be things like huffing, clenching fists, throbbing heartbeat, or basically, you begin to “see red”. By recognizing your anger signs you take actions beforehand and prevent yourself from saying or doing things in anger you shouldn’t have.

·  Take a step back

When you feel that the conversation is getting heated, the best idea at the moment is to take a step back. Trying to win an argument in a toxic or unhealthy situation is only going to fuel your anger. And when you do step back explain that you did it because you are trying to manage your anger and not trying to dodge the situation in any manner. When necessary, you can come back to the issue sometime later when you are feeling calmer.

·  Reframe your train of thoughts

Every single emotion comes with a similar train of thought. When you are angry, you tend to have more angry thoughts than usual. Suddenly you will begin to remember everything that made you mad. Hence, change your thoughts by thinking something random like how many stars are there and lead your train of thoughts from there without any exaggeration or distorted thinking. This will also help you calm down.

·  Focus on something else altogether

Telling yourself to “not think about that” isn’t what I am talking about. Because let’s be honest, has it ever worked? The best way to take your mind away from something is to indulge in a completely different activity that requires your focus. It can anything from cleaning, arts, and craft, or running some errands.

·  Know when to seek professional help

You can not solve everything on your own and this is completely fine. If your anger begins to consume you and you know that you are struggling to keep your temper down then my friend it’s time to seek some professional help. Some mental health issues can also cause or accelerate anger outbursts. It’s best to talk to your doctor about how you feel so that your doctor can recommend you the best treatment.

A Word From Me

Unpleasant events can bring out emotions in anyone, but what you do with those emotions matters the most. You may think that your anger isn’t harmful but the words and actions are done in anger leave a lasting imprint in someone else’s mind. You are responsible for your actions therefore managing your anger is very important.

Don’t let your anger overtake your amazing personality and beautiful relationships. Know your worth and your emotions. Anger is not always bad. Learn healthy strategies to manage your anger so that you are not consumed by it all the time.

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