Ray-Zee

A bitter truth that most parents wouldn’t admit is – Sometimes all they can think is “I hate my child”. If you are the one that feels this way then don’t worry because you aren’t alone. And trust me, it doesn’t make you a terrible parent either. Parenting is a tough nut to crack. It is often physically and emotionally challenging. It becomes particularly difficult if your child is rebellious, disrespectful, super-hyper, or simply not like how you imagined them to be.

I Hate My Child – The Real Face Of Parenting Struggles

A bitter truth that most parents wouldn’t admit is – Sometimes all they can think is “I hate my child”. If you are the one that feels this way then don’t worry because you aren’t alone. And trust me, it doesn’t make you a terrible parent either. Parenting is a tough nut to crack. It is often physically and emotionally challenging. It becomes particularly difficult if your child is rebellious, disrespectful, super-hyper, or simply not like how you imagined them to be.

I hate my children

Although according to many parenting experts it is best to let the child have their personality and become their person. In reality, every parent has some expectations of how their kid should behave and grow out to be. When these expectations aren’t met, it is natural to get agitated as it can be painful and frustrating. This frustration will not only affect you as a parent but will also play a huge role in shaping your child’s personality. 

As a parent, you invest a lot in raising a child. Most parents set their lives apart and give up so much just to nurture their kids right. When after doing so much, their kid behaves utterly opposite to their liking it sets a series of negative thoughts and frustration. One of the top-ranking thoughts at that moment is – I hate my Child.

Feeling Like I Have Failed As A Parent

While it may seem so true at the moment, you know it too, it’s not the whole truth. The reason behind this anger and frustration is unique to each family. Nonetheless, the base is mostly about feeling like you have failed as a parent. There are a million articles that discuss how to have a child that behaves like a human but is it that easy? Nope. We all know that. It is important to set boundaries and consequences with your child. But there is only so much you can do. What will happen when they try to test and break their boundaries?

I can say with experience that your kids will test your patience beyond the limit. You will feel helpless, frantic, irritated, and all the other angry emotions towards yourself and your child. And when there’s nothing more you can do, you begin to think – you hate your life, you hate parenting, and you hate your kid. It might be a quick-passing moment that is most likely to occur when you are overworked, overwhelmed, and your feelings get hurt by your children.

This feeling is a huge part of parenting struggles and how parenting can put you under pressure time and time again. it also caters to many reasons that foster hatred toward one’s child. Let us first discuss that before going towards how to can make it work.

Possible Reasons Why You Hate Your Child

Raising children who are demanding and challenging days upon days is one of the hardest tasks anyone can foretake. Being a responsible part of society, your job is to raise your children as people who will make the world a better place. You have endless dreams for them to be a well-rounded adult. When you see your dream shredding into pieces in front of your eyes every day little by little, it is traumatizing. Hence it’s only natural to build feelings of hatred toward your children. 

1.  You are tired

The number one reason most parents begin to feel the “I hate my child” feeling, is often when they are extremely tired. Especially if you are a stay-at-home parent who is with their kids round the clock without anything else to do, you are bound to feel overwhelmed. One thing I believe makes you more tired than physical work is emotional exhaustion. In either case, the more time you spend without having a proper break, there is hardly any chance that you won’t feel the hate after your kids test your patience.

2.  Childcare is burdensome

Children don’t come with a manual. You have to figure everything out on your own. From the day 1 you conceive the child to the time they pass out from university (some even after that) require constant assistance and patience. As a parent, you want to meet their needs perfectly. In reality, attaining perfection every single time is near impossible. This can lead to feeling like a failure and direct the irritation towards your child for making you feel like this.

3.  People are constantly judging you

It is already tough to live up to people’s expectations but it is tougher to live up to their opinions about you and your kids. As a parent, you know that you are constantly observed by friends, family, and everyone around. They are judging your upbringing and everything that you are as a parent. Honestly, there is no end to the criticism you get after giving birth to a human being that you are solely responsible for. What next? Even more pressure from inside and outside the home. This constant pressure is a reason you end up thinking, Urgh! I hate my child for bringing all this exhaustion into your life.

4.  Children are becoming rebellious

Living peacefully is a challenge in itself. The hustling and bustling of trying to make a penny in today’s age and provide for the family is torture enough. You don’t want your children to become bigger torture for your soul by being rebellious. At the least you expect your kids to follow the ground rules and behave. When you don’t see that happening instead, you begin to notice that your children are going through some raging development that enables them to negate everything you say, obviously it is nothing less than hell. At that time one of the top things on your head will be My God! I hate my child for doing this to me after so much that I have done for them.

5.  You are giving up more than you can accept

Sometimes, parenthood can step into your life without prior planning. Accidents are meant to happen. However, in this case, embracing parenthood gets difficult as you have to be a lot behind to be there for the baby. And by there I don’t mean a year or two. You know subconsciously that your life has now changed and you are living for this little human being for at least a decade and a half. You know what’s trippy; if you choose your life before parenthood, the guilt will crush you. But if you choose parenthood and leave your life behind then the aspirations of what you could be will eat you up. So you will always be losing a part of yourself no matter what you choose.

6.  Poor self-care

Parents and self-care don’t go hand in hand. As we know, poor self-care is an issue of a million issues; physical and mental. I am sure that you have to also plan when you have the next free window to take a peaceful bath. My hands were trembling when I was typing “peaceful bath”. Because I know that as long as my babies are awake, my baths can’t be anything but just a 5-minute rush to the bathroom. In short, you don’t have time for yourself and it reflects in your overall health, mood, and temperament. You feel agitated most of the time. Everything gets on your nerves and eventually the feelings get so riled up that you end up thinking about quitting everything for once because you hate it, you hate yourself, you hate everything that has put you in this condition including your children.

7.  Your partner doesn’t support you enough

Singlehandedly tackling the kids is probably a nightmare because then it ticks every box required to say “I hate my child”. Why you may ask. Because in this case, you will be dealing with every single point mentioned above and more. You are tired, overwhelmed, regretful, agitated, frustrated, always in a fight with your children, and to top that off your partner isn’t there to support you in all of this. Here I am not talking about single parenthood. Here we are discussing the partners who think that the other is solely responsible to take care of the children.

What To Do If You Feel You Don’t Like Your Kids

Listen, even if you think that you hate everything around you, especially your children, they also understand that this is not the end of the world. You are feeling this way because you are going through things that are challenging you most insanely. I mean who better knows how to push your button better than your kids. Am I right?

Everything aside, we know that you don’t like feeling this way but ignoring or trying to hide these feelings isn’t going to work for you. Therefore, the very first step is to accept these feelings and then move towards ways that may help you regulate your emotions and improve your relationship with your children.

1.  Life goes on

Is there a single person on earth with an ideal life and no hardships? Nope. Life hardly ever goes as planned even when we try our best to pan out everything. Stresses, troubled relationships, failures, and sickness are all part of reality. Beating yourself and your self-esteem to the ground every time something happens isn’t the best idea. Know that raising a child is a bumpy road and you are meant to hit some roadblocks along the way. Plus, you are not alone. Every parent is facing some kind of issue with their kids on a daily.

2.  Let’s figure out the triggers

It is one thing to have a passing moment when all you can think about is how much you hate your life and your kids. But it’s another stretching those moments into something that begins to hinder your parenting in the worst ways. Constantly thinking about “I hate my child” will turn you into a toxic parent and will create further issues when trying to interact with your children or raise them. Therefore, figuring out what puts you off as a parent becomes extremely important. Because only then you can find ways to deal with the issues rather than building stress that acts as a domino effect and ends up tarnishing the beautiful relationship you may have with your child.

3.  Fixing your parenting style

Every kid is different, even in the same household. Meaning a parenting style that might work for one may not be as effective for the other. Parents today were mostly raised by behaviorists. We remember that our parents didn’t bother asking the reason behind our actions. All they did was reward or punish for good or unacceptable behavior. And mind you, the good or bad was according to their liking and disliking and has nothing to do with the things we were “supposed” to do. Similarly most parents today try to simulate the same with their kids because that is what we have learned. Know that there is no rule book. The best you can do is communicate with your child and develop a parenting style that works best for both of you.

4.  You are not perfect, and that is perfectly fine

Children aren’t apt for perfect social interactions. You can say that their social skills suck. An essential part of being a parent is being an example. Now when we hear the word example, we think it has to be perfect. It is exactly where we go wrong. Children don’t need to see perfection. They want to see how to regulate their emotions and be better human beings whilst accepting their flaws alongside. Things begin to go the opposite when you try to be perfect, which obviously you can’t for human reasons, and then you start to feel like a failure. Let your children see your struggles and how you deal with them. Trying to be a spotless figure who has everything handled top, bottom, right, left, and center will neither help them nor you.

5.  Creating boundaries is important

When children want something, they can be very persistent in pushing you to give it to them. Children are somehow very smart in figuring out the tactics that will get their wish granted by you by hook or by crook. Such behavior can be taxing on your mental health, time, and finances. In the end, the resentment can build into you thinking, I hate my child. So, what do you do? You create boundaries and you stick by them. Setting boundaries will translate as clear rules as to what is acceptable behavior and what is not. It may take some time and energy to have the boundaries in place. But it will benefit you and your children in the long run.

6.  Don’t forget yourself

It is so easy to look past yourself when you are a parent. Everything comes before you and your self-care. I know that the weight of parenting is unbearable at times. By putting our kids first, we put off many of our dreams, aspirations, and self-care. This is exactly why you need to keep yourself healthy and happy. One of the worst things you can do to a child is make them believe that your life is miserable because of them. You may think, I can never do that. But before you know it the bitterness will creep in and you will eventually end up doing something bitter soon after you start to feel the hate towards your children. To fight the resentful feelings, try to balance your family’s needs with your own. Do something that you like. It can be as little as taking the time to take a bath.

7.  Have you considered family counseling?

Caring for your kids is a never-ending job that requires the strength of your mind, heart, and soul. As a parent, you try to fix everything time and time again but may not get the intended results with your children. This is the time when you should consider getting family counseling by a professional. A family counselor can help you not only to understand your family dynamics better but also how to regulate your feelings towards your kids.

8.  Your child is not your friend

Know that your role as a parent is unique and it is your job to raise them right. Sometimes tough love is a necessity as you can never raise a kid right by trying to be in their good book and refraining from anything that may create slightest of the issues. You are an adult who can be friendly with your kids without being a literal friend. You have to maintain that line. Especially when it comes to discipline. Understanding that you don’t have to be your kid’s friend will help you come to terms with your child’s personality and come up with the appropriate disciplining actions when required.

Takeaway

“I hate my child” is not something atrocious that you should be ashamed of. Taking responsibility for your actions and emotions and then making positive efforts to make things better matter the most.

Your kid may be a reflection of you but they aren’t the same. Plus, always remember that they have not learned the ways of life yet. Manage your expectations and try to communicate with your kids as much as you can. Bringing playfulness into your relationship with your kids will lighten the mood and will take away most of the resentment you may be building.

Accepting the hardships and finding ways to work through them is essential to avoid the feelings of hatred. Lastly, put in continuous and conscious efforts in self-care and then make your relationship with your kids better.

 

See What’s Trending

Read This Next