Ray-Zee

Sex is still taboo, and talking about sex or related topics is probably one of the most uncomfortable positions for many. Women, in particular, are left in the dust when it comes to educating about sex and how it can affect their lives. A far more common topic than it may seem is low libido in women.

Low Libido In Women – Why You Want No Or Little Sex!

Sex is still taboo, and talking about sex or related topics is probably one of the most uncomfortable positions for many. Women, in particular, are left in the dust when it comes to educating about sex and how it can affect their lives. A far more common topic than it may seem is low libido in women.

A survey conducted by the National Women’s Health Resource Center showed that almost 60 percent of women have low sex drives. Consequently, 85 percent reported that low sex drive negatively affected their relationship. Many women face this challenge where their sexual instinct or sexual desires are nowhere near their partner’s expectations. In a relationship, intimacy is usually one of the key elements that keep it alive and thriving. But it also largely depends on the level of intimacy in your relationship.

Low Libido in Women

Some people are happy with their sexual activity once or a month or even once in a couple of months. While some need at least once a day to be happy and satisfied.

In this article, we will be discussing the probable causes, effects, and symptoms of low libido in women.

What Does Libido Mean?

Otherwise known as our sexual drive, libido is a sexual instinct and desire that kicks in when you are around a person you feel attracted to. Libido is affected by the hormones like progesterone, estrogen, and testosterone. As for the female body, estrogen is the main hormone that promotes the production of vaginal lubricants which consequently increase sexual arousal. Whereas, an increase in progesterone in the female body can have the opposite effect – a reduction in sexual desires.

Sex therapists and doctors who specialized in sexual health have categorized libido into two kinds:

1.     Spontaneous Desire

Well, spontaneous desire is very on the point – spontaneous. It is a desire that washes you out suddenly and you are left feeling horny. You want to cater to this situation as soon as possible so you think about your options. Either you can go on certain apps, make a 3 am booty call, make a move on your partner sleeping next to you, or look for something new. Once you choose your option then the desire completes its course and it ends up in you getting the arousal (probably). This type of desire is usually seen in people with rushing hormones in their late teens and early twenties.

2.     Responsive Desire

For some, the spontaneous feeling does not exist or doesn’t arrive till the late 20s. Responsive desire is a feeling that arises due to an external factor. Like you get turned on while watching an erotic tv show, reading a steamy book, or through the touch of someone you feel attracted to. The cycle is the opposite of responsive desire. The arousal comes first, then the desire, followed by your need to go after it. People who may think they have a low libido now after a met gala of desires in their early twenties, just don’t have the spontaneous desire anymore but they still have the responsive desire. This is why erotica works!

So, What Is Low Libido In Women?

Women are often left to answer if they have a sexual desire or a normal sexual desire. To tell you a fact – there are no “normal” standards of a sex drive. Low libido in women is nothing absurd or dysfunctional. It is normal to lose in sex from time to time. I mean dry spells are a part of life. Low libido is when your desire to indulge in sexual activities is less than you would like it to or lower than how it was in the past. This applies not just to women but to men too. A person can not be into sexual activities all the time unless they are medically diagnosed with High Sexual Desire Disorder (HSDD). But in normal life circumstances, a dip in your sexual desires may not be a big deal as long as it is not affecting your life and relationship.

Sometimes in a relationship, you may feel you have a low libido but you just need less sex than your partner. This is called mismatched sexual desire. Any intimate relationship goes through five important stages. Libido is usually scoring high during the first 6 months. But things become to settle after then and that’s usually the time when you face the dry spells.

On average nearly half of the women report some kind of problem with sexual functions. The most common ones include low libido, loss of arousal, pain during sex, and trouble having orgasms. Now you see, what you may be feeling is rather a common thing for several women. So, let’s learn about the symptoms, causes, and effects of low libido on a relationship.

Symptoms of Low Libido In Women

Symptoms of low libido in women may vary, but a few are prominent.

1.      Difficulty initiating sex: It is hard to initiate sex because there is no desire for sex in the first place, it becomes difficult to indulge in the deed. You try your best to avoid it as much as you can.

2.      Few or close to no sexual thoughts: The external stimuli play a part in getting the train of hormones started. In the absence of such stimuli, there are no sexual thoughts or fantasies.

3.      Finding no pleasure from having sex: Having sex is just another chore that you do just to keep your relationship alive. The deed doesn’t drive any satisfaction or pleasure.

4.      Very limited interest in any kind of sexual activities: Intimate activities may seem cringeworthy to you. Interest in sexual activities is close to zero be it the deed itself or other acts like self-gratification.

By reading these very common symptoms, you may have noticed that’s every other woman then. And, you are right. Studies have shown that one in every three women faces at least one of these symptoms highlighting a low sex drive.

Another thing to remember here is that low libido is different from being asexual. Some people mix up the two quite often. An asexual person doesn’t typically experience any sort of sexual attraction or want to get into a sexual relationship with other people. Whereas a person with low libido has a sexual desire but they need external stimuli to awaken the desire.

Causes of Low Libido in Women

Sexual desire levels in a woman are generally low to start with. We don’t need more proof to agree that men think more and do more about and for sex. Men are high in testosterone which is a hormone that accounts for the difference in sexual desire for both men and women.

Apart from the hormonal cause of low libido in women, the common causes include:

1.    Relationship problems

The first thing that pops as a valid cause for the loss of sexual desire is relationship issues. Poor communication, constant conflicts, lack of trust, and depleting attraction can lead to a low sexual desire. If a person is not happy in a relationship, then the chances of staying attracted to their partner plummets and so do the sexual desire levels.

But if your partner is amazing in every aspect but you still feel that your sexual desire is not like it used to be. Then, my friend, you are just overfamiliar with your partner. It is a real thing. There is not much to know about your partner that keeps the spark alive. However, it is salvageable. Your constant efforts coupled with your partner can reflame your romance.

2.    Mental & psychological issues

Stress, anxiety, depression, and other similar mental issues can consume your happiness, including your sex drive. There is an increasing number of women who deal with mental issues. Many of which are due to pressure they endure from society, family, and their relationships.

With a million things running on your mind there’s hardly any room left to think about sex, let alone indulge in it. Especially for women, where the hormones are already not on their side, it takes a lot of effort to get into the sex mental zone. When they do, there are hurdles like poor body image, self-esteem issues, painful history, sexual abuse, stress, and negative experiences related to past relationships.

3.    Menopause

A drop in estrogen levels during the transition period to menopause plays an important part in decreasing the sex drive. One of the main reasons for low libido in women during this transition period is the dry vagina. And as you may have already known, a sign that a woman is turned on and ready to mate is lubrication down there. This results in painful and uncomfortable sex.

4.    Pregnancy, birth, and breastfeeding

Similar to menopause, hormonal changes in the body can lead to a low sex drive. Moreover, taking care of a baby is no joke. Be it through pregnancy, birthing, or post-partum. Each period is equally excruciating and strenuous on a woman’s body. Sex is probably the last thing to worry about under these circumstances.

It is very common for women to lose their sexual drive when their body, mind, and soul are already so occupied growing, birthing, and taking care of the baby. These act as new stressors in your life. You may not feel good about your body. You may feel uncomfortable and pain during sex. These are enough reasons to make your sex life dry as a Sahara.

5.    Underlying health problems

Some health conditions can also play a part in reducing your sexual desires. There are health problems like Urinary Tract Infections, kidney problems, premenstrual syndrome, etc. that may cause dyspareunia (painful sex) or vaginismus (involuntary spasms of the pelvic floor muscles). Both of these conditions will make sex less desirable and you will be less bent towards having it more often.

6.    Bad habits

Poor lifestyle habits like smoking, drugs abuse, and other ill choices can cause a nosedive in sexual desires. Such lifestyle choices can amend your brain function. Hence screwing your sexual functions as well. It is always best to avoid such practices for the betterment of your overall health and not just your sexual health.

7.    Contraception and certain medications

Commonly used medication for blood pressure, heartburn, mood disorder, depression, high cholesterol, mental illnesses, etc. may dimmish your desire for sex. Contraceptive medications can also alter your hormonal production disturbing your sexual functions. 

If you feel that your sexual desires have plunged after taking certain medications, then you should contact your doctor. There are different medications you can take that may treat your health problems but will not trigger your sexual functions.

Effect of Low Libido On A Relationship

First off, you should not be concerned about how often you have sex. Remember that there is no normal. It completely depends on the dynamics of your relationship and the sexual levels in your relationship. The most important thing is that you and your partner are content with the relationship and feel happy with each other.

Secondly, if your libido levels are becoming a cause of your stress or are affecting your relationship negatively then you can find a solution. If your libido is lower than your partner’s, it doesn’t mean that something is wrong with you. It does not make you a bad and your partner a good person. Women with “low libido” in a relationship are subjected to mental and physical trauma by their partners.

They are constantly judged and shamed. Several reports have suggested that 60 percent of the women have agreed to the fact that a low libido has indeed impacted their relationship negatively. It hurts their communication, intimacy, and bonding time. I will not provide any false pretenses. A lack of sexual desire in women may cause some or a lot of problems in their relationship.

How To Cope With Differences In Libido?

Yes, sex is important in a relationship. But there is much more that contributes to making a relationship great other than just sex. You may have heard talking to your partner will help or taking medications will improve your sexual desires. But neither of those are solid solutions.

Communicating with your partner is essential but the hard truth is that sex is very important for men. You can talk to him about your libido may show some results instantly. But that might put him off secretly rather than be comfortable about it for the long term. Moreover, medications to improve your sexual drive aren’t for everyone. It takes a lot to deal with the after-effects and consequences.

I would rather suggest stopping thinking that it’s a bad thing. It’s your body and you should be able to accept the changes your body goes through rather than contest them. You shouldn’t be forced into having sex if you don’t want it. Sometimes, things work out for the best and you have an amazing time with your partner. That is fine because you were willing to put in the work. But forceful sex isn’t ideal nor should ever be.  

It takes a literal effort to rear your sexual desires where they are clouded by everything else in your mind. Kudos to you for trying. Take care of your mind and body by practicing self-care. Work on your self-esteem and create healthy boundaries. Once you are satisfied with yourself then focus on the outer circle. Spend quality time with your partner. Cuddling, opening up about yourself, and having fun together will help to improve your intimacy. Some also suggest negotiating a frequency. I don’t support this approach either. It sucks the fun out and makes sex just another chore that you have to accomplish by the end of the week. I mean, how robotic and boring. Having a lower libido doesn’t have to be punishing.

 Sex Education & Counseling

Sex and intimacy are the core factors in a relationship. Educating yourself and your partner about sex is extremely important for your relationship and mutual understanding. Explore your body and let your partner know whatever is running on your mind. If you can’t seem to find a common ground with your partner and you are willing to work things out then you should seek help from a professional.

A counselor or a therapist will guide you about sex education, sexual techniques, and responses that nurture healthy relationships and sexual experiences. Programs like couples therapy and couples counseling may help your relationship to sail smoothly.

A Word From Me

Women are meant to be caregivers. We take care of our men as much as we take care of our children, pets, and everyone around us. A lower libido strikes a nerve that says that we cannot give or do something that is required of us to keep him happy and satisfied with the relationship. Hence, we panic and begin to blame ourselves for being a failure.

I understand that a relationship needs commitment, compromise, and constant efforts. But I will never support a relationship that sucks the soul out of a person. The efforts in a relationship should be mutual and respected. A true partner will never shame you for low libido or something you aren’t doing “correct”.

Sometimes, you often pick the first thing that pops up to blame for the miserable or bumpy relationship. Don’t be that person. Address the real issues and work on them with your partner if you cherish your relationship. If you want, there are many options and therapies you can choose to improve your libido and your relationship.

Read This Next